tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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