I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
