I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
