He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
