His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize