I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
