Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Randomize
