she takes plan B like it's going out of style
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
