it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
