Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
