Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
