So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
