Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
