Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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