would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
