I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
