I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
