I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
