I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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