Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
