its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
