No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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