i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
