we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
