we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
