I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
