Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a search helicopter?!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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