YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
