I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
