the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize