Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
