What did we do last night that was yellow?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
