i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize