Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
