It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
