maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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