I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
