Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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