He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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