She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
