Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
