Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
