I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
