you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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