Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
