i just wanna soil my oats bro
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
