i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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