I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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