they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
