Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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