Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
