he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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