You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
