i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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