I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
