I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
