grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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