I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
