Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
