He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
