I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
