easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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