did you get engaged???
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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