$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
