Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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