so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
