Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my shit smells like andre
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
